Do you ever wonder where thoughts come from? Those feelings, that feel almost rooted to your heart upon the instant you feel them for the first time? The thoughts, that while brand new to your brain, feel like they have lived in your soul forever?
I wonder about a lot. I wonder about everything. I have an eternal curiosity, really. I question everything, especially myself.
When I was young(er), I questioned religion. I went from church to church to answer my questions. I was never satisfied with just accepting that one belief system was better than another. I didn’t know which would be best for me. I had always had a foundation in faith, but the religion part was where I felt unsure. After spending some time in several different churches. I made a decision. I found a belief system that felt right for me and I threw myself into it full force. For a few years, it felt right.
But then something happened. I began to question things. Hypocrisies began to nag at me. Something deep within me couldn’t find peace with the judgement, the stifling of differences and inequalities I kept witnessing. So, I stopped going to church. Occasionally I would find myself in a pew but usually only on holidays and even that stopped eventually.
The one thing that didn’t stop was my conversation with God. At times, I wasn’t sure who I was even talking to. At times I wasn’t sure I was talking to anyone or anything except my inner voice. But I kept the monologue going.
I was never one of those people that could just have faith and not ask questions, but I think asking all those questions has given me a stronger faith in a higher power, even if I haven’t necessarily found answers to replace the questions.
So, in short, here is what I believe:
I’m a person that believes everyone has a right to believe in whatever they want, or even believe in nothing at all. Although, I think having faith in something makes it easier to also have hope.
I am a person that believes that you should try to approach every situation with love. Jesus, mother earth and our future ask us to live in such a way.
I am a person that believes that no human, no matter race, sexual orientation, religion, political view, economic status or any difference is better than or worse than anyone else.
I am a person that believes that I haven’t earned the right to judge anyone for their sins. But I do judge sometimes, because I am human. That doesn’t mean my judgment is valid.
I am a person that believes that you should just try to be the best version of yourself every day. Sometimes, you will let people down. Sometimes you will let yourself down. But tomorrow is your chance to learn and to grow and to forgive. And forgiveness is a show of strength.
In the eternal words of Limp Bizkit, “You gotta have faith”. For me, having faith in a higher power is having an equal faith in humanity. And having faith, in something, anything, is powerful.
This is a bit outside of my usual realm of writing, but these are just a few thoughts I’ve had lately and I thought they were worth sharing.