It’s usually after a particularly bad day, or in this case a series of bad days, that I take a step back and do some evaluating. You see, the last few days have just not gone my way and I’ve turned into my alter-ego Bitchy McWhinesalot. I hear myself complaining and, as much as I hate it, I can’t stop- the word vomit just keeps coming. It’s usually about this time when I can tell I am annoying everyone around me, and especially myself, that I get in my car- in this case, my rental car (yep, my car is in the shop)- and go for a drive.
Usually this drive includes a little crying, a lot of singing, and one fast food meal that ends with a side of self loathing. Upon completion of this abstract journey to inner peace, I give myself a metaphorical slap in the face and decide it’s time for a change.
When I was in California, I figured out something really important- how to hold myself together. I learned that by focusing on the things that make me feel strong and accomplished, I can overcome any bad day. I learned that making my health a priority was an easy fix for a lot of my problems. However, since moving back to Arizona, I stopped giving myself time. I pretty much stopped making working out a priority. I stopped seeing Sunday morning movies. I stopped meditating at night. I stopped going to yoga regularly. I stopped exploring my relationship with God. I just, let everything else take over my life and then stood there wondering why I was feeling so disconnected and frustrated.
But today, over McDonald’s fries that I shame ate in my car, I decided it was time for Bitchy McWhinesalot to get packing. Just like that, I threw away the remaining fries and I went to the gym. I ran through a side cramp that was undoubtedly caused by the greasy little monsters that I had consumed. I put on calming music and I meditated for 10 minutes and then I sat down here to write.
Well that’s not exactly true, before I started typing, I was distracted, like I often am, by Facebook. But wouldn’t you know it, one of my friends was sharing just the words I needed to read!
Susan has always been an inspiring friend and athlete (I mean look at those abs!), but today her words were everything I needed and I couldn’t help but share. Hope you don’t mind Sus!
“At the end of the day, you can focus on what’s tearing you apart or you can focus on what’s holding you together.
Something I’ve really had to train myself on is this. I’ve always been the peace maker, the one that wants everyone and everything to be happy ALL the time! But let’s face it- that’s impossible… and every time I try to change the whole wide world in one day, I have to remind myself of this: Just focus on your core, on what’s holding you together- your dreams, your passions, your morals, your values, your faith, your family, the people that support you 100% and want to see you succeed as bad as you do… Focus on that ❤️ Because if it’s not holding you together, then it will tear you apart- one way or another.”
When things are hard, it’s not always easy to focus on the good. Lord knows I have certainly had my ups and downs. But the ball is always in my court. I can choose how I attack a day and this life. I can choose whether I place my focus on the things that hold me together or the things that tear me apart.
Today, I choose the good. Today I choose to focus on my dreams instead of my fears, my passions instead of my heartbreaks, my faith instead of my uncertainty and the people in my life instead of the people that have chosen to leave it.
Goodbye Bitchy McWhinesalot, you aren’t welcome here anymore!