Hello, my name is Ashley and I am an online dater. Yes, it’s true. Why online you ask? Well, I don’t go out much and when I go out, it’s usually to spend time with my friends. I work two full time jobs- hence I don’t go out much. But even with my sometimes hectic schedule, I feel like I am ready to be in a relationship again. I’m pretty much always attached to a computer or my phone, so online just seemed like the way to go. Besides, you can only peruse the beer isle at the grocery store so many times on Friday after work.
This isn’t my first online dating rodeo. About 4 years ago, in an effort to learn how to date after 7 years with the same guy, I decided to create a profile on plenty of fish. I had the opportunity to go on some of the worst dates of my life, but it was definitely amusing. I went out with a guy that magically transformed from a witty doctorate student into a whiny and spiteful child after I beat him in a friendly game of miniature golf. I had sushi with a kind eyed man that told me all about the time his last girlfriend got charged with attempted murder after she tried to shoot him. I met a Canadian that told me he was looking to marry a nice girl because he was illegally in the country selling flameless candles. A very sweet guy took me to a fancy restaurant and had the chef prepare a custom 7-course meal for us- it was our first date and we ran out of things to talk about after course three. I met a few other guys, that were nice, but there was no chemistry and then finally, I met a guy that became my boyfriend, which lasted about 18 months.
A couple months ago, I decided to give online dating another shot. This time, I decided to step up my game and actually pay for a membership to Match.com as well as post a profile on plenty of fish and to round out the trio, I’m on Tinder (mostly just to pass the time when I can’t sleep. There is something so entertaining about swiping left or right.). Everyone says tinder and plenty of fish is where you go to find someone to sleep with and match is where you go to find a relationship. Well, so far, I can’t say I am overly impressed with any of the sites.
During this, my second attempt at online dating, I have only actually gone out with one guy whom I met on POF. This one guy spent 45 minutes telling me ghost stories after asking “So how do you feel about ghost stories”, to which I answered, “uh, I’m pretty indifferent”. I guess I should have said I wasn’t into them?
So why only one guy in the last few months? Well,I guess it’s because I find myself saying no a lot. No, I don’t want to send you “naughty pictures”. No, I don’t want you to send me a picture of your penis or anything else that’s phallic. No, I am not going to come hang out and drink a bottle or two of wine at your place- that’s not a first date, that’s an episode of Law and Order: SVU. No, I don’t want to hook up, especially after you just spent the last two hours slut shaming a mutual “friend”. No, I don’t want to tell you my bra size or send you a picture of my cleavage. No, I’m not interested in supporting you and giving up my desire to have children because you don’t want them. These are all things I have actually had to say to men.
To be honest, they whole thing is leaving me pretty disappointed. Disappointed in my apparent dating options. Disappointed in the women that have encouraged this mentality. And disappointed, that apparently all I am in this online “dating” world is a set of boobs with a vagina attached.
What happened to asking a girl what she likes to do for fun (outside of the bedroom), or even what she does for a living. What happened to being interested in people, not just sex. I know there are a lot of people that have success with online dating (and hey for 18 months, I was one of them), but I am dying to know their secret. What am I doing wrong? Why are my modest but cute pictures and (what I think is a) witty profile only attracting this type of man? Or have all the good men given up on online dating and if so, where did they go? Someone please point me in that direction.
Well, since I already paid for 6 months on Match, I am going to continue to sift through an endless stream of shirtless bathroom pics and photos of guys posing with a tiger (seriously, where have all these tigers come from?) and stick it out for a while longer. If nothing else it will give me more material to write about and maybe if I’m really lucky, it will bring me someone that is actually looking for a meaningful relationship. Fingers crossed!
Have you tried online dating? What has your experience been? Please share it with me!