It has been over 3 years since my words have touched the pages of a personal blog. I needed a break. I needed to step away from this outlet that was equal parts freedom and entrapment. So first let me give you a quick recap of the last 3 years.
*I fell in love.
*I left a stable job to work for myself full time.
*I moved in with my babe.
*I opened an office.
*My grandmother died.
*I gained 60 pounds.
*I dealt with mild depression.
*I finished my first year of grad school then changed schools and basically started over.
*My business grew wildly.
…It’s been a busy couple years.
I didn’t leave my blog intentionally, I just stopped wanting to share. I could say I was too busy. I could say I was blogging for my business instead (theyjlife.com). But the truth is, it didn’t feel like it was a safe place anymore. You see, I’d felt for a while that I had to be a certain way on my blog. I had to fit a certain mold. I couldn’t say too much and I never cussed. A nasty comment 6 months prior made me put up even more walls and the joy I got from sharing, even a tamed version of myself, had dwindled. It didn’t feel authentic at all. So I just let the space fill with technological cobwebs and went about my life.
But for a couple of months, I have had the itch to start writing again.
Maybe it’s because I wrote three ridiculously long papers for my courses this semester and I just can’t get enough of tapping on my keyboard? Maybe it’s because I’m a narcissist who needs some kind of social approval. Or maybe I just want to fucking write.
That’s right friends, I said fucking.
Because if I am going to revive this space, I’m going to be authentic, and the authentic Ashley says fuck… a lot. I don’t care if it means people won’t read my blog. I don’t care if it means people will leave me nasty comments. If I’ve learned anything over the last three years it’s to stop worrying what the hell anyone else thinks and just live my life- my way.
So that means I’m giving myself permission to write whatever I want to write. It means I can openly talk about my weight loss struggle and food addictions. It means I can write about how much more confidence I have when I have eyelash extensions. It means I’m okay with the world knowing that I am a complete weirdo most of the time.
I think that’s the problem with the blogging world and really the world in general. We have to sift through so many layers of bullshit, so many “rules”, politics, and labels, to get to who we really are. So I’m done with caring about the “rules” of blogging. I’m just going to write, for myself and if anyone out there feels compelled to read my ramblings, awesome! If not, awesome! Just be forewarned I’m going to talk about both my accomplishments and failures. I’ll probably bitch about some 1st world problems and tell you about products and people I really like. Basically, I’m not making any promises about what you’ll find here or how often you’ll find it. But what I can promise is it will be an authentic account of my pursuit of a happy and fulfilling life.