My married best friend is having a baby…
My boss’s daughter is in labor as I write this…
Some of my single girlfriends are knocked up…
Some of the women I stalk on Facebook are picking out cribs…
Jessica Simpson is preggers with baby number 2…
Yes kids, everyone is pregnant but me.
Now before you freak out, I want to acknowledge a few reasons I have no business dreaming about babyland.
1. My beautiful lady parts (my gyno told me so) are only 27. Despite every television show pointing out that I’m only 3 years away from being short 90% of my eggs, I don’t feel like my clock is ticking.
2. I am super single- not even a prospect of a husband or a baby daddy.
3. I am far from any semblance of financial stability. The only thing I own is my car and my bedroom set. Both of which were purchased with small loans from the lenders with the best rates (my grandparents).
4. I drink wine almost everyday and while wine is great to cook with, I hear it’s not so good for baking babies in your tummy oven.
5. If I had to take a pee on a stick right now, I would be praying for a not pregnant (because digital is the only way to go) and that is just not the initial thought I want to have about my first born.
I love little ones! I can’t wait to be a mom- someday. Somehow, I’ve managed to block out the traumatizing images of both my sisters and one of my brothers being born (Do you want your 13 year old to keep her legs closed out of fear? Let her watch a live birth). Somehow I have forgotten about the crying, the peeing, the pooping, the crying, the umbilical chord just falling off, the pooping, the wobbly necks, the breast pumping, the crying. No, I didn’t forget, my hormones just covered all those images up with cute little baby bumps, chubby little faces blowing spit bubbles, cooing, Cute little miniature tutus, hats and bow ties, baby smiles, baby giggles, baby shoes… I could go on.
In my mind, I will be married and able to stay home and raise a couple babies in a house I own with said hubs and a dapper little Corgi. This perfect dream bubble also allows me to work from home doing something creative and lucrative, but not time consuming. Dream mom Ashley goes to mommy and me workouts, play dates and her babies never cry in restaurants. She also looks like a total MILF and always dress her child up in adorable outfits at Halloween. I know Dream mom Ashley sounds pretty awesome.
Realistic Ashley has a plan. She is paying down debt. She is pursuing her passions and being selfish because she can be. She knows she will get married again someday. She is trying to get fit so that not only will she have super toned arms in future photo shoots, but also so she might have one of those perfect basketball bellies when the day comes.
Hormonal baby fever Ashley is thinking things like, “Oh my gosh, this laptop resting on my tummy is probably zapping my eggs like a microwave.” “I will probably be single and alone forever.”
I don’t know why I felt like sharing my inner baby turmoil. Maybe its because I have had an actual fever for a few days and I’m not thinking clearly, maybe its because I want to know that there are other single late-twenties girls out there that like their lives just they way they are but obsess over other people’s little nuggets. I don’t know, just tell me I’m not alone. Until my IUD is replaced with a little nugget of my own, I will keep filling up my pinterest board with cute babies.
Don’t worry, I wouldn’t let you leave this post without a picture of a my dapper dream dog.